


It Wasn't Easy To Be Happy For You

by Adora_McClain



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/F, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:35:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,203
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adora_McClain/pseuds/Adora_McClain
Summary: Keith and Lance had been broken up for about a month now.Neither of them were doing great. Keith had spent the better part of their relationship convinced her girlfriend was cheating, and the other half obsessed with her beauty. She just couldn't understand what a girl like Lance had been doing with a girl like Keith. That insecurity would be what killed them. That, and Lance screaming that she'd slept with Lotor in an argument...Keith had just assumed Lance had been fine, and pretended that she herself was, too.After wallowing in her bed for a month, her old brother Shiro and her friend Pidge finally drag Keith out for a night out.Throughout the duration of the night, truths surface about what really went down between the seemingly inseparable pair, and Keith finds herself caught in flashbacks throughout the night.Keith has spent most of her time in her memories of Lance- the memories that had been keeping her alive, and killing her.(This is a story that takes place over one crazy night, with lots of flashbacks of their relationship, so be aware of the time jumps!)(Gender bent Klance! Just like Klance... but they're lesbians. Boom, so much better right?)
Relationships: Bisextual Lance, Breakup - Relationship, FLASHBACKS - Relationship, Gay Keith - Relationship, Hurt/Comfort - Relationship, Klance - Relationship, Love - Relationship, Psychotic Break - Relationship, STD - Relationship, apologies - Relationship, forgiveness - Relationship, physical violence - Relationship
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19
Collections: Klance





	1. Now You Sleep, On Your Own

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This was supposed to be a one shot but I wrote 30 pages so whoops. The world is on lockdown, I’ve had a lot of free time, okay? It’ll be fast updates at least! 
> 
> This will focus on a lot of themes I've found in lesbian relationships, such as jealousy an envy of looks. It also addressed Keith's insecurity when it comes to Lance's beauty, her being Bi, and her 'kill count' being much higher than Keith's. 
> 
> I’ve always been a FanFiction bitch in the past, so this is my first Archive! It’s Klance, but with lesbians, so boom, instantly better. You’re welcome. 
> 
> Also yes, I realize after making my Usermane for this godforsaken website sounds like I’m a fucking cam girl. It was all I could think of, lol. 
> 
> Okay, enjoy kiddos.

….

Loving Lance was hard. 

It was hard when she flirted with everyone she saw, despite Keith’s presence. It was hard when she worked at a coffee shop, despite already having as much energy as a jack rabbit. It was hard when Lance equivocated a night in and a life sentence as the same thing, as if one night not surrounded by strangers hitting on her was unheard of. It was hard when she could sing like an angel, until the second she stepped into the shower. She was moody, and rash, and spontaneous. 

“Is there a reason we have to go out every single night?” Keith whined from the bed as her girlfriend painted her eyes blue in a cheap, dollar store mirror at Keith’s desk. 

“You don’t have to come,” Lance teased. 

“Okay.” Keith replied quickly, making Lance’s half finished face snap back at her. 

“Wait, really?” She asked as Keith nodded. 

“Is spending the night with just me really so horrible?” Keith shot, not pleased that her introverted ass had endured countless nights out. 

Lance sighed, “it’s not that it’s horrible. It’s just not as fun,” she pouted. 

“Jee, thanks.” Keith rolled. 

Lance sighed, sensing Keith was getting pissed off for real. She gave a sideways smile and threw her makeup brush down as she stood up. “Fine,” Lance said, and much to Keith’s surprise she slipped off her little blue nightclub dress. Lance smiled and rolled her eyes and she watched Keith’s eyebrows raise at the action. “Don’t get any ideas,” she said, kicking her dress away and throwing on Keith’s old sweats that she had left crumpled at the foot of the bed. Lance got onto the bed where Keith was still laying and, like a cat, crawled on top of Keith, flopping down on her chest. “Can we at least order pizza?” Lance sighed. 

Keith laughed and kissed her head. “Of course,” she smiled. 

Okay, fine, so loving Lance had also been pretty fucking fun too… 

Forgetting Lance would prove to be a lot harder. 

Keith just hoped she was doing okay, but it was too hard to keep tabs on her. Hard for Keith, that was. It would be too hard to hear if Lance had moved on, that she had started acting on all of her flirting, or god forbid, had started dating Lotor… No, she didn’t want to know the truth because the truth might just kill her. 

She would just live off of the assumption that Lance was doing as good as Lance was always doing. Popular, happy, flity, beautiful, and not dating Keith.

Keith was right to an extent… If Pidge, the one mutual friend the broken couple had managed to keep, had told Keith that she and Hunk had pulled a drunk and distraught Lance off of her sixth story windowsill two weeks after Keith had dumped her, then yes, it might have killed Keith. Out of sight, out of mind, right? We can just keep pretending we’re fine and hope that works… right? 

Keith knew Pidge probably gave Lance updates. She sometimes missed Hunk, but knew that bridge was burned with Lance. But still, Keith never asked how Lance was doing. Not that she didn’t care, but the fact that it was Lance, the biggest tease in town. Keith couldn’t bare hearing that she was already off with some new girl, probably one of the many side chicks Keith had accused her of having throughout their relationship. 

Keith simply assumed the answer was ‘fine’, and never thought to question.

It surprised all of their friends, and frankly Keith as well, when they learned that Keith had been the one to end it. They had always had that relationship, where Keith gave off the air that she would rather cut her own arm off then lose Lance. And that was the case, but Keith couldn’t be with someone who wouldn’t give as much as she would. 

Lance could have any girl, or guy, that she wanted. She would be fine without Keith. 

“I mean, yeah, there was no doubt that Lance was hotter than me, but did she had to go and fuck every Tom, Dick, and Sally out there? No!” Keith shouted at Shiro as she laid face down on her bed in her tiny, one bedroom apartment. “Fucking bisextuals.” She mumbled into the pillow. 

The same pillow she had been residing on for the last month. If Shiro haddn’t have shown up every day to check up on her then she probably would have starved. If it hadn't been for her job fixing bikes at the auto shop down the road, and the few classes she took at The Garrison (because according to Shiro, it doesn’t matter how good of a job you have, trade work is unsteady and she ‘needs a degree to fall back on’) then she most definitely would have never left her bed this past month. This long, Lance-less month. It was good to have that one friend who wouldn't let you give up, no matter how badly you wanted to. 

Everyone needs a Shiro.

Her older brother sighed, thankful the kid was at least talking. Shiro had been coming in to check on her since the explosive breakup that went down in this very apartment about a month ago. The first two weeks the girl had all but completely shut down, which was weird considering she had been the one to end it. She should be doing fucking fantastic! 

Still, Shiro would never admit how much those first two weeks scared him. It was like everything in Keith had died except her body. There was no light behind her eyes, like they could no longer compute the world around her. It took days for Shiro to even convince her to shower. It was a slew of depression Shiro himself had never even fallen into, not when he lost his arm in Afghanistan, and not when he lost his boyfriend, Adam, in Afghanistan. This was a kind of grief that almost went beyond shell shock. Shiro had seen it in a few vets who had commited friendly fire. 

Though it had been an accident, taking one of your own men is something those guys never really seemed to heal from… their eyes looked like Keith’s did. It scared the fuck out of the man. 

One of the worst things was explaining to Keith when she had started to come out of it that it had been weeks, not days. 

Shiro sighed, pulling the pillow out from the girls head and hitting her with it. “You know, Katlinea,” 

“Keith.” She corrected him, rolling over to face the man, as she hated to be called by her full name. ‘Katlinea’ had been the same her parents gave her, but her mom decided to split and her Dad decided to run into burning buildings for a living, and died. The second she had entered the system, she had been ‘Keith’. She decided that she would take away everything her parents had given her, including her name. Katlinea had parents, Keith did not. 

“When you break up with someone you’re not supposed to be the one this heartbroken. Unless...” Shiro said. 

“Unless nothing!” Keith screamed, grabbing the pillow from the man and throwing it at him. She loved Shiro like a brother, but she wished he would just leave her home so she could get back to her wallowing. 

“Is there any possible way that you were just a little jealous?” The older man spoke cautiously, “and that maybe, just maybe... Lance didn’t cheat?” 

Keith shot daggers at her brother with her eyes (although she had thrown literal daggers at him, once before.) “Who’s side are you on? You’ve been talking to Pidge, haven’t you?!” 

Shiro rolled his eyes and flopped down on the bed beside her. “Hey, I’m on the side of my little sister’s happiness. Because I haven’t seen it since she stupidly threw away the only good relationship she’s had.” He said, poking her in the side. 

Keith glared at him, rolling over in the bed away from the man. He could see right through her, and she hated it. Sure, she didn’t have any concrete evidence that Lance was sleeping around, besides the fact that the whore flirted with anything that moved. Maybe she liked the rise it got out of Keith? That is, until she got a little too much of a rise out of her… 

Keith shook her head from the memory. 

Couldn’t Shiro get it, though? “Even if she wasn’t cheating, Shiro, she would have. People like Lance just don’t end up with people like me. It’s just easier this way.” She said, shooting up and off the bed, making her way to the kitchen, which was, granted, about four feet away in her tiny ass apartment. Shiro trailed behind her, his booming voice shouting ‘bullshit’ all the way down the hall. 

“Shut up.” Keith moaned, pouring herself some tap water. “You saw what she looked like.” 

Shiro sat on the counter next to the girl. “Yes, from my gay perspective, Lance was really hot. But, from an older brother perspective, you’re really hot too.” 

Keith coughed up some water, the first real smile Shiro had seen in a while. But Shiro didn’t get it. Lance wasn’t just ‘really hot’, she was stupidly hot. Her long, chestnut brown hair matched almost perfectly with her beautiful, soft, tanned skin. It cascaded down her slim form, in perfect, real waves that curled at the bottom. Even though her form was slim and scrawny, she could deck anyone she wanted to. Also, it is just blatantly unfair that someone can be that skinny with boobs that big. Seriously, was she God’s favourite or something?! Keith shook her head again. Okay, fine, maybe she was a bit jealous. 

Lance’s eyes sparkled and took up half her face. Her nose and chin were both petite and pointed, her grin was intoxicated and her dimples only came out when she wanted them to. Her skin was fucking perfect, probably because, unlike Keith, she actually took care of it. 

The only problem with Leocadia McLain was that she knew it. 

She knew it, and oh boy did that girl use it. 

In her year of being legal at the bar, Keith was certain the twenty-two year old had never paid for a single drink. Her outfits showed just enough skin to make the girls and the boys go crazy, but never enough to be labeled a derogatory term that we shouldn't use for women. Still, Keith would call her a whore in her head as much as she wanted, even though she had never once believed it. 

She didn’t even really believe it when she had accused Lance of being one… 

Now pair that with the gay disaster that was Katlinea Kogane. Her hair had been dyed so many times it was now a dark black that was impossible to brush, resulting in her always having to hide it away in a ponytail. She had refused to cut it most of her life, mostly because she had been forced to in her group homes as a child, and even had to shave it off once as a kid because her bunk had lice. Ever since Shiro had become her legal guardian she hadn't cut it, besides the times Adam forced the split ends off her. This habit resulted in it cascading halfway down her back and gaining her the name Mullet from the most annoying kid at her University, who would go on to be her girlfriend.

Keith never thought her boobs were small until she met Lance. Keith had always felt like her thighs were too big, coated in stretch marks that would never dare grace Lance’s perfect skin- oh, did I mention that Lance had perfect skin? Because she does. 

Keith flicked her forehead, saving herself from the thought spiral she was threatening to push herself into. “The fact of the matter is that Lance McClain had no business being with me. Better to do it now then wait until the relationship got serious.” 

Shiro groaned, and used his one arm to tap the glass Keith was drinking from, it spilling all over her face and night shirt. She yelped and stepped back as the cup fell in the sink. “What the hell, man?!” she screamed. 

“‘Before it got too serious’? Are you fucking kidding me, kid? You were together for eight months! And in love. I don’t know about you but that sounds pretty fucking serous to me.” The older man said. 

“Whatever,” Keith barked, wiping her face with a tea towel. “She cheated on me, I dumped her. Just leave it alone, okay? She literally fucking admitted to screwing Lotor.” 

“Okay,” Shiro nodded cooley. “I know when to back off. Now get dressed.” But the words didn’t even seem to register with Keith. She just glanced down at the tea towl because since when did she own a fucking tea towl? The only thing in this apartment were knives and old karate movies from the 80’s. Shiro had to fight with her just to buy furniture for the place. But down on the white towel were two embroidered lions- one blue, one red. Lance must have made it. 

An inside joke as the couple had always watched the old cartoon ‘Voltron’ together on rainy days. Lance used to complain bitterly that there wasn’t enough colour in her apartment, and took it upon herself to fix that. 

Lance was always doing little things like that, leaving gifts around the apartment, hiding them and waiting for Keith to find them. She wondered how long the towl had been sitting in the kitchen drawer, waiting for her to notice. Should she text her? No… that’d be stupid. 

Suddenly Keith wasn't in the kitchen with her hover-parent brother anymore. She was on the couch with Lance. 

“Are you eighty-five?” Keith had asked as the twenty-two year old sat crossed-legged, needle pointing a towel while The Sound of Music played quietly on a TV that Keith had bought to watch car racing and car racing only. 

She tried her best not to stare at Lance’s tanned legs in her pink pajama shorts, and failing miserably. 

“You do realize that you’re mocking a lady with a sharp object, right?” Lance smirked through her strands of hair falling from the messy bun atop her head. Because of fucking corse she was ‘that girl’, to still look hot in an old tank top and messy hair. Keith tried not to be insecure around her, but we all see how well that went. 

“That’s not a sharp object,” Keith moked, pulling out one of her pocket knives, and flicking it open. “Now come at me with one of these and- Ouch!” She jumped as Lance stabbed her with the needle. “Bitch.” She had maoned and Lance laughed. 

“You’re such a baby,” Lance smiled, leaning over kissing her arm. Keith took the advantage of her bending over to throw her off of the couch. Lance scream-laughed as she hit the ground, grabbing Keith’s leg and pulling her down with her, the dark haired girl landing on top of her. 

“Who’s the bitch now?” Keith had asked, making Lance laugh again. Keith didn’t know she was funny until she started dating Lance. 

“Do something about it, then.” Lance smiled, back against the hardwood. 

“Challenge accepted.” Keith smiled, still on top of her as she leaned over and kissed her. 

Her fucking laugh. Keith could still hear it in her ears, even as she glanced up at Shiro, his words just now starting to register. 

Keith glared up at him over the towel. “It's ten o’clock at night, why am I getting dressed?”

“Because Pidge is on her way. We’re taking you out.” Shiro said firmly, determined to get Keith out into the real world. “You’ve been sulking in this freaking apartment for too long. Hurry up, Allura and her girlfriend are meeting us at the bar,” Shiro said.

“No.” Was all the girl said. Shiro didn’t question it when she threw the towel she had just used to dry herself into the trashcan and stormed out of the kitchen, back to hide in bed. He just rolled his eyes, muttering a quick 'women' under his breath. 

The same bed she used to wake up in with Lance, her lankey form always intertwining onto Keith every morning. Still, Keith would sleep her days away, imagining that Lance’s head was still on her chest. Keith would wake up sometimes in the middle of the night with the image of Lance nuzzling into her chest when she was embarrassed, or when Keith made fun of her a little too much. 

“Yes.” Shiro retaliated, opening her closet as the girl crawled under the covers again. She breathed in the scent that Lance’s pineapple perfume had left lingering in the sheets, even a month later, it being the reason she refused to wash them. “Oh God, how do you dress a woman…” Shiro mumbled to himself, before the two heard a loud pounding on the door, followed by a small girl trailing in. 

Pidge was only nineteen, but her older brother Matt’s ID had never gotten her turned away yet. She had to cut her hair to pull it off, but so worth it when all your university friends are older than you. I guess that’s what you get for skipping high school. 

“Your live's just got better, loosers, I’m here.” The short girl announced as she plowed into Keith’s bedroom and looked at the crumpled form in the bed. “Lord, we’ve got work to do.” she mumbled. 

The girl's short, light brown hair was pinned back on either side with green berets. Green, sparkly eye shadow crept all the way up to her eyebrows, with winged eyeliner stretching out and almost reaching her temples. Her little green tube-top matched with the even little-er black skirt, the combination making Shiro hold back the urge to scream ‘you are not leaving this house dressed like that, young lady!’. They had never seen Pidge in anything other than her brother’s hand-me-downs, let alone… this. Still, the pair was smart enough not to question it. 

Pidge realized the looks she was getting and rolled her eyes. “Yes, I look like a chick tonight. We’ll just have to go to a gay bar so they won’t question the ID,” she grinned. 

Neither of them protested. 

“And when they kick your underage ass out we can all go home?” Keith asked hopefully. 

“No.” They said in unison. Pidge shoved Shiro out of the way of the closet and began rummaging through the flannels and old jeans, trying to find something for the girl to wear. 

“I didn’t know you owned… Girl clothes.” Shiro coughed out, briefly wondering if he was a bad adult for bringing a teenager to a bar. He just reminded himself nineteen was legal in Canada. 

“Oh trust me, it’s not mine,” Pidge laughed. “Can you imagine? This will be the last time you see me in a skirt.” 

“Who’s is it?” Shiro asked.

“It’s… a friend’s..” Pidge gritted out. 

“That means it’s Lance’s.” Keith mumbled into her pillow. 

“Nevermind that,” Pidge said. “Get up.” She barked. “We’re your friends and we’re not just going to let you give up because you decided to be a gay disaster and torch a relationship. Now get up, get hot, get drunk, and get better.” She ordered, throwing a lacy red top and a pair of black jeans at Keith. 

Keith sighed and rolled out of bed, turning to the corner to change. “Fine.” She bit out, “but I’m not going to like it.” 

“How… Did you do that?!” Shiro gaped, the women, as usual, ignoring him. 

“I look… ridiculous.” Keith said, turning from the corner. Her tits were all but hanging out in the red top Pidge had thrown at her. Where did she even get this thing from? The jeans were tight, and uncomfortable, with no pocket space, and left half of her stomach exposed. 

“You look fuckable," Pidge said. 

“You should have left these antiques in the back of my closet to rot.” Keith moaned, crossing her arms over her stomach. 

Pidge grabbed her by the wrist and threw her into her desk chair. “All we need is to get you a good shag to get you over this. Hence, gay bar.” She grinned, looking at Keith’s one tube of mascara and singular highlighter on her desk. “Good God woman, is this really all you have?” She mused. 

Ignoring her, Keith glared at her friend. “That’s why you're dressed so fem. You didn’t give us a choice about going to a gay bar.” 

“Guilty as charged.” She smirked, turning to her backpack and pulling out a makeup bag. “Get you a girl who can do both.” She laughed, plunging her brush into the red eyeshadow and demanding that Keith close her eyes. 

But all at once, for Keith at least, it wasn’t Pidge doing her eye makeup. It was Lance, tone-dephly screaming the wrong words to the new Taylor Swift album, despite the fact that she could really sing. However, around Keith she would always make her voice as terrible as possible, as you can’t judge someone when they’re not being serious. Lance had forbidden Keith from going to any of her gigs, when she got them, playing guitar in local pubs. She claimed that she’d get too nervous if Keith came. A few time’s Keith had snuck into the back to listen… and it was… glorious. Well, at least it had been until Keith got the idea that Lance didn’t want her to come so she could cheat on her at the bar. She stopping going after she had gotten that thought into her head. 

Lance sat on Keith’s lap as she threw a drag queen level amount of James Charles ‘You’re Kidding’ red onto her eyelids and laughing. “Red’s your colour, babe!” She called, smearing some red lip gloss onto herself and kissing Keith passionately. 

Keith laughed, wiping the access off of Lance’s chin. “There, looks like it’s both of our colour now.” 

“Cheesey.” Lance rolled, fake gagging. 

Keith smiled, standing up from her chair, Lance still on her lap, and hugging her too tight in her arms. She spun in circles with the girl kicking, screaming and laughing, until all at once, her perfect laugh turned into a snort. Keith spun some more before toppling onto the bed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was dating Miss Piggy.” Kieth teased, making her way on top of Lance. Lance tried to calm down, but just kept on snorting, managing to get a “Shut up” out through her laughs. 

Keith kissed her some more, which seemed to shut her up. Lance smiled and broke free from her lips. “You’re all talk, Kogane.” 

“Oh yeah?” She smiled, accepting the challenge, as her lips began to fall lower and lower, smearing a path of red lip gloss down Lance's stomach. “Feel free to tell me if I’m still ‘all talk’.” 

“Shut up.” Lance smirked, slipping off her bottoms as Keith kisses got lower- 

“Earth to Keith!” Pidge called, spinning the girl around in her desk chair. 

“What?” Keith demaded, falling out of one of the memories she had been surviving off of. 

“Quit staring off into space and close your stupid eyes.” She said, shaking her liquid eyeliner. Keith sighed, doing as the girl told her. She learned early on that Pidge always wins. It’s just easier when you don’t protest. “And the answer is no,” Keith said as Pidge finished off her wings. “I am not fucking anyone tonight.” 

….


	2. I Took The Poison Praying You'd Feel It Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this chapter has a WARNING! There is some physical violence in this chapter, you have been warned! 
> 
> At the club truths surface between Keith and Shiro about just exactly how her's and Lance's breakup went down. Trying to move on from Lance was damn near impossible when she kept falling into their memories... the good, but more importantly, the bad. The type of bad Keith didn't know could exist in her.

….

After a good half an hour of Pidge running a brush through Keith’s long, tangled hair, and another ten minutes of arguing on whether to leave it down or up, Pidge finally won the war by throwing Keith’s last hair tie off of the fire escape. 

“You suck, Katherine.” Keith growled as the gremlin merely laughed as she wrapped Keith’s long hair around the hot curling iron.

“Don’t hate the player, hate the game. I don’t understand why you have this much beautiful hair only to hide it away in a ponytail every day of your life.”

It brought Keith back to the arguments her and Lance would have, Lance saying pretty much the same thing Pidge was. Only she got a lot angrier with Lance, almost like every time Lance had called her pretty she was mocking her. 

They usually ended with Lance dramatically yelling, “you can love me ‘cause I’m hot then hate me ‘cause I’m pretty. You gotta pick a fucking side, Kogane.” Even though... She was right. 

“There,” said Pidge, showering the girl in hairspray and handing her some red lipstick. “You’re done, put this on and let's go.” 

…. 

There was a reason Keith hadn't been to a club since the breakup. Because clubs were where the extroverts tended to congregate. It was way more Lance’s scene than anything. 

If she couldn't dance with Lance then what was the point in coming? 

Fuck that sounded pathetic. 

The friends pushed their way through the crowd and found some seats at the bar, still amazed at the fact that Pidge got through. "What? You've never seen a lady boy before?" She had yelled at the bouncer. Keith didn’t know what to do with her hair out of the confounds of her ponytail, and could not for the life of her stop playing with it… which people at the bar took to be as flirting. 

“God, if one more bitch offers to buy me a drink…” Keith mumbled, grazing her pocket from where she had just been able to shove one of her smallest pocket knives into, because fuck women's pants. 

“If you turn down one more hot girl trying to buy you a drink, so help me…” Pidge threw back, downing a shot of something brown without flinching. Shiro just laughed, taking a sip of his drink and staying the Hell out of it. 

Keith rolled her eyes at the girl and rested her head on Shiro’s shoulder, praying people would just assum they were a heterosextual couple and leave her alone. She glanced through her bangs at the horribly lit dance floor, blinking every colour in the rainbow. 

“Come on, you moron, everyone knows how to dance!” Lance had cooed, grabbing her hand and giving her a harsh spin until she laughed. “See! I didn’t say everyone knows how to dance well!” Lance laughed. 

Keith had rolled her eyes. “I told you, I don’t dance.” Keith smiled, squeezing her hands as other drunk couples bumped into them. Lance grew a sheepish, sexy smile across her painted lips as she squeezed Keith’s hands back, and pulled her close to her. Lance brushed back some hair around Keith’s ear and whispered firmly, “dance with me now, and I’ll dance for you later.” 

Keith had never danced so much in her life. 

Keith sipped her vodka cranberry, hoping it would will all these memories from her head. “Whatever,” said Pidge, “she’s a lost cause, Shiro.” She said, waving at Allura and Romelle as they made their way into the crowded bar, the trio immediately going to the dancefloor. 

“Great,” Keith mumbled into Shiro’s shoulder, “more of Lance’s friends.” 

“Oh, come on, Keith,” Shiro said. “You said that Lance cheated on you. There should be no animosity with Lance’s friends, you weren’t in the wrong.” 

When Lance had said that she would dance for her, Paradise By The Dashboard was not what she had in mind. 

Keith laughed so hard her stomach hurt, something she didn't know was possible until she had met Lance. “Are you fucking serious right now?” Keith wheezed as Meatloaf blared through Lance’s cheap speakers. 

“Will you love me?! Will you love me forever?!” Lance screamed the lyrics through laboured breaths of laughter, until her snort came through once again. She stood in front of Keith, wearing nothing but a lacey, baby blue bra and the little black skirt she had worn to the club that night. She moved her hips with absolutely no rhythm, tears forming in her eyes. “What?” she choked out, “am I not being sexy enough for you?” She asked as she proceeded to do the macarena. 

The couple started laughing until they couldn’t breath, which was hilarious until they both remembered that Lance had asthma. Keith ran into the bathroom and grabbed the girls puffer, the idiot still laughing as she wheezed, because of course Lance would have an asthma attack half dressed in front of her girlfriend. Of course. 

Keith sat on the bed with said half dressed girlfriend, her back resting against Keith’s chest. Lance’s head laid on Keith's shoulder. Lance breathed deeply against her puffer as Keith stroked her hair. “Am I sexy yet?” Lance coughed, taking another puff. 

Keith dropped her face into Lance’s hair, laughing once again as she wrapped her arms around her torso even tighter. “So sexy,” she chuckled. 

How did it all get so fucked up?

Keith frowed even deeper, if that was possible. She sat up, taking her head off of Shiro’s shoulder and made eye contact with her honorary big brother. “Shiro, I am honestly very surprised that Pidge is still friends with me after what I did. Yeah, I was pretty sure that Lance fucked Lotor, but I could have handled it… so… so much better.” Keith said, shaking her head a little, rubbing a gloved hand over her eyes, somehow not smudging Pidge’s makeup job. Shiro watched in fear as a little bit of that darkness flashed back across Keith’s eyes. 

Shiro knew his ‘little sister’ better than just about anyone. Sure, he didn’t meet Keith until she was fourteen, but the moment he was assinged to be her ‘big brother’ as part of a gay troubled youth program, there was no doubt that they were going to be in eachothers lifes forever. 

Shiro grabbed the girls hand and squeezed it tightly in his, leaning in close. “Keith, it’s me. Please, tell me what happened. I… I can’t watch you shut down like that again, kid.” He said honestly. 

Keith dropped her eyes, her hand going limp in his. “I’m afraid you won’t like me anymore.” She whispered, just audible given their environment. 

Shiro hugged her hand tight in his and smiled. “Impossible.” 

She smiled a bit, but the second she opened her mouth, she was falling backwards into the memory she prayed vodka cranberries could erase. 

“Hey, Mullet, m’home!” Lance sang, slamming the door to Keith’s apartment. The girl held a giant, half finished ice coffee in her hand despite the late, or should I say early, hour. Slamming it down on the counter of the small kitchen, she pecked Keith on the cheek and wrapped her arms around her torso, hugging her from behind. Keith stood against the small island, waiting for Lance. “You know, I’m still a bit buzzed if you wanna take advantage of me.” She giggled into Keith’s neck. 

But Keith stood still, unmoving, and angry. “Where were you?” She asked as calmly as she could. 

At the tone of her voice, Lance released and turned to face her. “Well,” Lance said, a bit annoyed, “I told you that I’m buzzed, and it’s one AM on a Friday night, so I’ll let you take a wild fucking guess, Keith.” She rolled, not pleased that she had the most jealous girlfriend in the world. 

“How about you answer the question.” Keith said, her face stone cold, her eye contact unbreaking. Lance held the glare too, and prayed that Keith didn’t see right though it. In that moment Keith wanted to fight, and Lance wanted to burst into tears and run into her arms, because oh god Keith really did think she was a whore, didn’t she?

“I got a drink with some work friends after our shift at Coran's Café.” She said carefully, pushing it a bit when she added, “why, Love, are you jealous?” 

And just like that, Lance threw gas on the fire. “What the fuck would I have to be jelous of? Unless, of course, Lotor was there?” she asked. There is a certain way someone asks a question when they already know the answer. “Tell me, Lance, should I be jealous?” 

Lance held her girlfriend's stare. “Well, I said I went out with some work friends, and I work with Lotor, so yeah, Lotor was there. Great detective skills, babe. You should see if Sherlock is hiring.” 

Keith gritted her teeth, her firsts clenching on the kitchen counter. “So Lotor’s a friend now?” She said slowly, “I thought you didn’t like him. Or at least… that’s what you told me. Were you lying then or now?” 

Lance sighed, breaking stare to look up at the ceiling and groan. “Oh my fucking God, Katelina, are you ever going to stop freaking out everytime I go out?!” She yelled, angry how Keith hated going out, and when she went out without her, she always came home to this. 

“Are you ever going to stop hanging out with men you’ve fucked?” She said coldly. 

Lance stopped, her eyes meeting Keith’s harsh stare once again, only this time, Lance’s eyes were just hurt. “For the last time, Keith, it was before we met, and we were both drunk, okay? It meant nothing! We both got over it, why can’t you?” 

Keith’s stare reamined cold, like her body was there without the soul. “You just said you’re buzzed. And you were out with Lotor.” She said calmly, like she had already put the pieces together, and all that was left was to get Lance to admit it. 

Lance jolted like she’d been shot. She took a step towards Keith, putting her face inches away from her’s. Keith didn’t even flinch. “And just what exactly are you accusing me of, Katelina?” She whispered, face hardened by the accusations, using the girls real name just to get under her skin. 

“How did you get home, Lance? Since you said you’d been drinking.” Keith asked, like she had a list of questions she had been preparing the whole night Lance had been gone. 

Lance’s eyes drifted away, and swallowed and quickly answered, “Hunk did.” 

“Liar!” Keith yelled, slamming her fists on the counter, making Lance jump back. It was like she was waiting for the first slip up in her story so she could finally flip out. “I saw him drop you off!” 

“So you were just staring through the window all night?” Lance said, back against the wall in Keith's tiny kitchen because Lance couldn’t recall a time she had seen her girlfriend this angry. “Creep much?!” 

“Lotor dropped you off.” Keith said, almost shaking with anger as she slowly looked up at Lance. “Lotor dropped you off and you felt a need to lie about it, and you’re drunk. How am I supposed to feel about that?” 

“I felt a need to lie about it because you go off the wall any time I go out! Like I’ll just spread my legs for anyone I see if you’re not there to keep an eye on me!” 

“Do I need to remind you of your kill count?” Keith asked cruley. She regretted it the moment it escaped her idiotic mouth, especially the way it made Lance’s jaw drop, like she couldn’t believe the jabs Keith was willing to make. But she couldn’t let her get the high ground. Not now. 

Lance rubbed her bottom lip in her teeth, nodding slowly, like she was thinking, like she was trying to not cry. “So that’s how we’re playing,” she said dangerously slow, eerily quiet. Glossy eyes shot in Keith’s direction as she said in an even voice, “it’s so high because because want to fuck me, love.” 

Keith’s eye shot open in surprise, because Lance had all but admitted it. “Whore.” She said quickly and angrily, her face so flushed with anger it made the usually beautiful girl look sick. 

Lance stayed quiet for a minute, which silently scared Keith. She nodded slowly, letting her words sink in. “So that’s what you think of me,” Lance said. 

“Don’t make this about you.” Keith bit out, but Lance was quick to the punch this time. 

“Okay, let’s make it about you then!” She yelled, her slow and cool tone disappearing as she was lit into a rage. “You’re a narcissistic, self centered egotistical bitch, who also, quinsadenly, has no self-esteem! You think that because I’ve slept with more people than you, and because I’m hotter than you, I go out and get something new every night! Is that right, Keith? That because I’m bi I’ll just fucking sleep with anyone!” The girl yelled, honestly taking Keith back a bit as she was usually the calm one. She had never seen Lance yell like that. 

But the ‘hotter than you’ comment really got to Keith, and she didn’t have the common sense to leave it alone. “Yeah, Lance, you are hotter than me, sure, but you also slept around like crazy before we met and-” 

“Yeah, before we fucking met, Keith! I’m not going to apologize for sleeping with other people before we got together you psychopath!” She yelled, “and might I just add that there is nothing wrong with fucking whoever you want! It’s just a luxury you never had!” Lance yelled at her girlfriend, knowing she was pushing it too far for going after Keith’s looks, Lance knew she was insecure about them. It had always baffled Lance that someone who looked like Keith could ever have an insecurity about that. Sure, Lance was hot, but she had to work at it. She had to take care of her skin, and wear makeup, and work out, and get highlights, and do a million things to look and some days even feel pretty. But Keith? She just woke up stunning. And it pissed Lance off. Keith had thighs, something Lance had always dreamed of having. Her skin was pale, and her hair was dark, making her resemble a living doll, but the Annabell kind, because she could kill you if you looked at her wrong. Lance didn’t even think she had ever let Keith see her in her glasses… 

But if Keith was going to go after her sextual past, then Lance was going to tear her down as well. “I was always safe,” she continued to yell, “I just got picked up at bars a lot, you make it sound like I was selling it for a nickel on the side of the road!” 

“Oh, I’m sorry! You get picked up at bars a lot, and you’re coming home at one in the morning, from a bar, with Lotor. I feel so much better now!” Keith yelled, “you probably blew him off in the car on the way over.” She practically spat. 

“I’ve never cheated on you!” Lance yelled. “Get that through your thick, mullet head, okay? Oh, and fuck you. Yes Lotor drove me home, because he was the freaking designated driver, he drove everyone home, you moron!”

“Then why were you the only one in the car, huh Lance?” She questioned. 

Lance took a deep breath, drawing her tan hand over her face and trying to stop the tears that were already coming. “Okay, you’re delusional, and we are not talking about this anymore.” 

“Delusional?” Keith scoffed, “you literally just tried to fuck me! You know how you get when you drink.”

And just like that, Lance lost every bit of upper hand she had, by crying. She was no longer threatening, she was defeated. Keith, however, took her tears as something completely different.

“I knew you were guilty.” She almost whispered. “I knew I wasn’t enough for you.” 

“Keith.” Lance spoke, almost screaming through her tears, talking with her hands. “I am going to say this one... more... fucking time. I did not cheat on you. You need to get yourself fixed.” 

“Then why are you crying?” Keith yelled back. 

“Because,” Lance whispered, wiping her face with the back of her hand, refusing to meet Keith's eyes, “my girlfriend is calling me a whore.” 

“Because you’re fucking lying!” Keith screamed again, making Lance press herself into the wall even harder.

“Oh, I’m sorry, my bad. My girlfriend is calling me a lying whore. Much better.” Lance cried, her voice back to a normal volume. 

“I saw him drop you off! You lied to me about it, you’ve fucked before when you were drunk!” 

“I work with him, Keith! I can’t just avoid him forever!” Lance said, desperately trying to wipe her tears before they came. 

“Well you’ve made no effort to!” Keith screamed. 

Lance sighed. “You know what? Fuck it. It doesn’t matter what I say, you’re not going to believe me. You’ve made up this whole story in your head and now you won’t listen to reality!” Lance pulled her cellphone out of her tight, ripped jeans pocket. “We can talk about this once you’ve calmed down, I’m going back to my place tonight.” 

Keith took a breath. Maybe she was right… they both needed to calm down, they could talk about it tomorrow…. Keith glanced at Lance’s phone screen and realized that the only person who could drive her home right now was… “Who are you calling?” 

Lance stood still, waiting a moment before answering. “I’m calling my ride back.” 

“I can’t believe you’re literally calling him right now!” Keith exploded, “What the fuck, Lance! Give me the phone!” She yelled, reaching for it because Lance was about to call the last possible person on Earth that she should be right now. 

“What? No!” Lance protested, pulling away from her before she remembered she was still against the wall. “Keith, fuck off!” 

“You’re not fucking calling him to get you right now!” Keith yelled, grabbing Lance’s arm, pulling so hard that she shrieked. 

“I can do whatever the fuck I want!” Lance yelled with Keith practically pinning her to the wall. “And I could fuck Lotor if I wanted!” 

With that, Keith released her arm, using her hand to slap the girl across the face. Lance yelled in surprise, the force being more than either of them had expected, as it knocked her to the ground, hitting her head on the refrigerator on the way down. 

Both of them sat in stunned silence for a moment, both breathing heavy, both staring like neither of them could really compute what had just happened. “Oh my god…” Keith breathed, anger leaving her body as she made her way to Lance. “Lance, I-... are you ok-” 

But Lance just screamed as Keith came closer. “Stop!” She sheireked, like a girl in a horror movie, trying to escspe a monster, “Get the fuck away from me, Keith!” She scrambled off the floor and stormed towards the door, Keith on her heels, saying a jumble of syllabus, trying to string together a sentence, but words alluded both of them. 

“And yeah Keith, I blew Lotor off in the car on the way over. You were right. He was just better in bed then you.” Her words spit venom and she slammed the door behind her. 

“I fucking knew it!” Keith screamed down the hallway at her. “We’re done! Slut!” Keith screamed. She didn’t even realize that she was crying too, until she had slammed the door and slid down onto the hardwood. 

She sat there all night, staring at her hand, wondering how it could have been used to do such a horrible thing. 

Shiro, much like Lance had in that horrible, horrible fight, stared at her for a long time before finding the words. He picked up his cheap whiskey, and stirred it around in the glass for a while, before taking a small sip. He sucked on his bottom lip for a while before daring to make eye contact again. Only, just as he had promised, he didn’t look at her any different. “So,” he spoke slowly, softly, “you hit her?” 

The words hurt Keith, it was the first time she’d ever heard them spoken out loud. “I did.” 

Some more silence filled the space between them, accompanied by the loud techno music pulsing throughout the club. “Keith, after all that, do you really think that she cheated on you?” he asked. 

Keith took a deep breath, sighing her answer. “Honestly I don’t know... but she admitted it!” 

“After you slapped her.” Shiro reminded her. Keith whinched at the comment. 

“Yeah.” Keith said after a minute. “She probably just said it to hurt me like… Like I did to her… But honestly, Shiro? I don’t care.” 

Shiro raised an eyebrow, sipping his drink again. “Really?” He asked, “wasn't that what this whole mess was about?” 

Keith scoffed, “I think this whole thing was just me not understanding why someone so awesome would ever want to date me, so I made a problem that wasn’t there. But I don’t care if she fucked Lotor, I don’t care if she cheated on me a hundred times, I just miss her, Shiro, and I don’t know what to do with that.” She sighed, knocking back more alcohol, cheaply flavoured like berries. “I… I didn’t think it’d hurt this much.” Shiro’s sympathy welled in his chest, as he felt the same thing when Iverson had entered his tent that one day, and told him that Adam’s squadron had been gunned down by rebels that morning. The only difference was… Lance was still out there. 

Shiro placed his hand gently on her back, being cautious as he knew she didn’t really like to be touched. “Then get her back. Keith… You two can’t keep living like this.” 

“Would you take me back?” Keith asked half heartedly, her words defeated. 

“Honestly Keith, I don’t know.” Shiro sighed, “what you did, it’s, well, incredibly fucked up.”

“I know,” Keith breathed. 

“And if anything like this ever happens again I’m going to kick your ass,” he said firmly. 

“Please do.” 

“But I can tell you for a fact that Pidge doesn’t know.” Shiro said, making Keth sit up in surprise, because though they ever discussed it, Pidge had been Lance’s friend first, she just assumed that she had told her. “Because if Pidge did know, and don’t take this the wrong way because the gremlin really does love you, but she would have never spoken to you again. And she also might have cut the brakes on your bike.” Shiro said, laughing a little into his cup and he raised it to his lips. 

“But that doesn’t make any sense! Why wouldn’t Lance tell her?” Keith said, looking out into the strobe lights to see the short girl spinning about on the dance floor with the two older women. 

“Because Lance knew that besides me, you didn’t have any friends,” Shiro guessed. 

“She wanted me to keep our mutual ones… Like Pidge and Matt… Even if that meant keeping our horrible breakup from them…” Keith sighed, “fuck, of corse even after I’m the biggest asshole in the world to her, she’s still looking out for me. And here I am, I never asked Pidge once how she was doing. Oh God, Shiro, how can I fix this?” The youger girl asked, dark eyes shinning as they threatned to cry in the middle of a fucking gay bar. 

Shiro put a heavy hand on her shoulder. “You can go for a walk, have a smoke, and calm down. And I’d do that now, because I don’t know if Allura and Romelle know what you did, but if they do then I highly suspect they will kick your teeth in. And they're coming this way…” 

“Good call.” Keith said, slipping out of her chair and out the front doors before Pidge could question her. 

The streets were all but abandoned, but to be fair, it was three AM. Downtown was littered with bar after bar, with college kids puking in the streets. Keith slowly smoked her cigarette as she made her way down the cobblestone path, flipping off the occasional man who looked at her lace top for a little too long. She walked until she found some little pub tucked away in a corner.

“Huh, no disco lights, and no Drake blaring.” Keith mumbled to herself as she took one last drag of her dying nicotine stick that Lance had always berated her for. “Looks like I found the one spot the youth haven’t taken over.” She laughed, opening the heavy wooden door that dinged upon her arrival, as if she was entering a convenience store. 

She was immediately hit with a wave of smoke, the sweet smell of cigarettes clouding the room to the point where people became figures. She didn’t think that bars you could smoke in still existed in the twenty-first century. It was like a log cabin, the dim lighting igniting the wood, making you see the world through a honey film. Low chatter came from all around as a live guitar strummed from a small stage at the back of the pub. Keith smiled, instantly loving it here. She sat on a wooden stool. The bartender gave her an odd look, what with a college kid in a club outfit exiting in boomer territory. She was the youngest person there by about twenty years, and quickly flashed her ID as the man set a pint in front of her. 

And that’s when she heard it. The delicate strums of an old guitar. The same guitar she and Lance had found at a thrift store a few months earlier. The same guitar they had taken home, and painted blue on her living room floor. 

Fuck.


	3. I Wrapped My Neck and Prayed You'd Feel The Noose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (This is a song fic! The song Lance is singing in the bar is 'It Wasn't say To Be Happy For You by The Lumineers.)  
> *Trigger Warnings* (Mentions of psychotic breaks, attempted self harm, etc (no blood)) 
> 
> Lance and Keith attempt to talk for the first time in a month, trying to evaluate their crazy, brutal breakup. Lance falls back into the memories of how she has been spending her past month without Keith, or all the terrible events that Keith had seemed to spark. 
> 
> How could she love someone after all that? She for the first time in her life felt too broken for Keith. 
> 
> She was scared of falling for Keith again, because she knew she wouldn't survive a second round of that kind of heartbreak. 
> 
> People didn't change... did they?

Fuck. 

Finally making out the gorgeous figure on the stage, there stood goddamn Leocadia McClain in the flesh. Keith forgot that sometimes to help pay tuition Lance would go to any bar that would take her, and play songs for tips. She obviously didn’t see Keith, but the first words out of her mouth convinced Keith that the song was about her. 

“Oh the last time we met, your love was dead.” She sang, and of course, there stood Keith, back in her kitchen. The memory of her waiting for her loving girlfriend to come home, happy to see her, only to have Keith ready to bombard her with horrible questions, and even worse accusations. 

Still, Keith sat there, and for the first time in her life, she listened. “You held my hand, Bit your tongue, Shut me out, Spilled my blood, All around…

“Yeah, it wasn’t easy to be happy for you… Yeah, I took the poison, praying you'd feel it too... “ Keith wasn’t sure what that meant, but she didn’t like it. She just wanted to hug her and make every terrible thing die in the past where it belongs. The only problem with that plan was the horrible past Lance was singing about was her. 

The next words to come form Lances lips, covered in red lip gloss, almost made her fall out of her chair. “You held your punches back, and I left the room…” She closed her eyes at the memory of Lance storming out. Or, was she just running? Running from her. “Yeah, it wasn't easy to be happy for you.”

Keith sat in a hayze watching Lance. Was it possible she gotten even more beautiful? On the stage, her short jean skirt showed just a stretch of skin as her high heeled boots covered most of her legs. Her shirt mirrored Keith’s exactly, only in blue, and Keith had a mini heart attack at the realization that they had bought these shirts at the mall together for Hunk’s costume party. They had been the red and blue lions from the old cartoon ‘Voltron’- which basically just meant they wore almost lingerie with ears, because they were women and it was Halloween. 

No wonder Pidge had found it in the back of her closet. “All alone, your ax fell, we dragged you down, gave me hell, made your bed, now you sleep, on your own, guess we'll see…” At the words Keith saw Lance’s head sleeping soundly on her chest. One of the reasons Keith had stopped wanting to wake up was because she knew her head wouldn’t be there anymore. Eventually, she stopped getting out of bed, too. Keith began tugging nervously on her shirt, suddenly feeling like she shouldn't be wearing it. 

Lance’s hair was down and curled much like Keith’s, only Lance had half of hers up in a little bun atop her head, tied off with a blue scrunchie. Even in the smokey bar Keith could see her eyes were painted in blue sparkles. Keith smiled despite herself. Lance had used to call them her ‘mental health sparkles.’ She had cramps and had a shift at Coran's right after class? Sparkles. She had a big presentation for school? Sparkles. She had to get a shot at the doctors? Sparkles. It was her tell tale sign that she was going through something, but that she was dealing with it. It was way more badass than Keith would have ever admitted to her. A few times when Keith was having a bad day Lance had thrown them on her, but she stopped letting her when she got hell for it from the guys at the auto shop. 

Keith wondered what had been going on in her life to cause the sparkles, but knew she had long since forfeited the right to know. “Yeah, it wasn’t easy being happy for you…” Her powerful voice filled the small pub. Almost no one spoke, even though the cuban girl was supposed to be background music. 

She had every eye in the place, and as luck would have it she happened to lock eyes with her ex-girlfriend. 

Lance looked like she was going to pass out when her eyes fell into Keith's. Was she real? Or was she just imagining her there, like she had every night before? 

Despite her tan skin, Lance had somehow gone pale, but still, never missed a beat. Her voice never wavered. But she looked like a deer in the headlights… she almost looked… scared. That fact made Keith want to puke. 

As she sang the next lyrics Lance looked almost… sorry? At least she did to Keith, but Keith could read her like no one else. It was like she wanted to apologize for what she was about to sing, because Keith was never meant to hear it. “I know that you tried, but you're no friend of mine, falling apart, you played it the best, a dame in distress, ooh..” Lance sang in her beautiful voice as Keith winched on every single one of the truths she sang. 

“Yeah, it wasn't easy to be happy for you… Yeah, I wrapped my neck and prayed that you'd feel the noose…” Keith wondered if she should have been checking up on her... “I saw the restaurant table for two… Yeah, it wasn't easy to be happy for you. Yeah, it wasn't easy to be happy for you.  
Yeah, I took the poison, praying you'd feel it too. You held your punches back, and I left the room  
Yeah, it wasn't easy to be happy for you.” Just like that, it was over as fast as it had begun. 

Lance smiled at the crowd as she thanked them, the old men clapped over tables cluttered with beer glasses and peanut shells. “I’ll see you young men next Friday night.” She smiled at them as the bar laughed. Lance turned and put her hand-painted, blue guair in the case sitting beside the mic, receiving a few catcalls as she bent over. Keith’s first clenched a bit before she remembered that that wasn’t her job anymore. 

Fuck. What now? Should she say something? 

Lance was already making her way to the door… Keith shot up from the bar, because she could not fuck this up again. She hated the way Lance’s eyes looked, like they were far away. Like she could control when they sparkled, and she would no longer allow Keith to see it. 

What Keith didn’t know is, much like her, Lance couldn’t help falling back into all the memories Keith had riddled her with, the good and the bad. 

“Hunk, am I a whore?” Lance had asked from the bathroom floor where he sat, her best friend holding her long hair back. 

“No, buddy. Keith’s just an asshole.” 

The girl spewed some more, coughing up every bit of alcohol she thought would make her feel better. “I wanna be happy for her.” Lance had cried over the toilet bowl. Hunk rested his giant, gentle hand on her back. 

“It’s not gonna be easy,” he spoke, “but you’ll get there, you’re just not there right now, and that’s okay... Even though I still wanna light Keith’s stupid hair on fire.” 

Lance laughed a little over the porcelain. “Yeah,” she mumbled. “Me too.” 

She didn’t think it was going to be this hard. 

“Hey, Lance, wait!” Keith called, grabbing her wrist. Keith was not prepared for the slender girl's reaction, wrenching her hand back so hard it looked like it hurt. 

“Never touch me again, Kogane.” She bit at her, making the memory flash across Keith’s dark eyes once again, back to the point of anger and jealousy she would never let herself fall into again. She could still see Lance lying against the fridge every time she walked into her kitchen, and everytime she couldn't sleep. 

Keith drew her hand back immediately, forgetting the power they had. “I - sorry, that was… Super uncalled for…” She drew out, at a loss for words. 

“Hey, Lancey,” the old guy behind the bar called over, who had an honest to God handlebar mustache, and resembled Coran in fifty years. “She bothering you?” The man called over the bar.

Keith saw Lance ponder asking the man to kick the snot out of her, but to both of their surprise Lance bit her tongue, like she too, wanted to see how this played out. “No, Jho. I’m good, she’s just… an old friend.” Keith wondered if the words were supposed to hurt, because they did. 

“Can I, uh, buy you a drink?” Keith asked, and Lance dragged her bright eyes up and down Keith’s scrawny figure, like she wanted to intimidate her. If that was the goal then it was working. 

“If you promise to keep your hands off of me.” Lance said coldly. The words were like a punch in the gut. Keith lashed out with anger and physical intimidation. She always had. But Lance McClain? That girl could simply kill you with her words. She knew where all your emotional pressure points were, and could make you scream for mercy from across the room. Keith had only ever seen it a couple times. It still scared her. Only the last time she saw it happen, it didn’t scare Keith, it angered her. 

Keith nodded quickly. “Harsh, but fair.” 

Lance somehow smirked at her without smiling, tossing stray hair over her shoulder as she walked to the bar stool, making Keith die a little as she smelled the coconut in her hair, that being exactly what Lance had wanted “How ya been, Hothead?” She asked as she sat down, Jho setting a pint in front of the girl. 

“On the house, Lancey.” The man spoke. “You just get me or one of the boys if this one gives you trouble.” He said, glaring at Keith before walking to the other end of the bar and refilling some glasses. 

“Patronizing, but sweet.” Lance said to no one in particular. 

“Um, good? I-I guess?” Keith spoke slowly, still caught off guard by how pretty Lance looked, even after singing in a smoky bar all night. Did Lance cross her long legs just to drive her crazy, she wondered. 

“Interesting.” Lance said with a bored expression, like she would rather be in a burning building rather than sitting next to Keith. She took a long sip from her drink and eyed Keith. “Just because I’m drinking doesn’t mean that I’m going to fuck you, by the way.” She said as she sipped her drink, making Keith’s gaze snap away from where they were glued to her legs. 

“Hey!’ Keith bit, because clearly she wanted to fight. “I don’t think that.” 

“Should I remind you of our last interaction, Mullet?” Lance said flatly. “You do remember, don’t you?”

Keith took a deep breath. “Of course I do, Lance… I haven’t stopped thinking about it.” She said, the first bit of honesty creeping into her words since they had sat down. 

Lance dropped her eyes, now staring at Keith’s dirty black boots. “Yeah,” she said quietly, hand grazing her cheek absent mildly, not even meaning to cause the tears that came to Keith's eyes, that she quickly blinked away. “Me too...” she almost whispered. 

Keith dug her nails into the seam of her gloves, daring to make eye contact. “And I’m fucking lying, because I am not doing good.” She said, a sad laugh sneaking out that Lance surprisingly reciprocated. 

“Yeah, me neither.” She replied, making Keith raise her brows at. 

“Really?” Keith said in surprise. “Because you look- sorry, you, um,” She cleared her throat, never being good at telling Lance just how stunning she was. “It’s just, you look really good... Like, really good.” She coughed. 

Lance blushed a bit at her words, tucking some hair behind her ear. It was her tell tale sign that she was flustered, something only Keith noticed. “Thanks.” She said, reaching over and tugging a strand of Keith’s long hair. “I could never get you to wear it down… Looks good.” She said, never once looking her in the eye. 

Keith flushed. “Yeah, well… Pidge is very persuasive..” 

Lance smiled. “Yeah, she told me you guys were going out tonight. I dressed her,” she laughed. 

Keith took a deep breath, trying to calm her heart back to beating normally, but it was all in vain. It would always race when sitting next to Lance. “I loved your song…” Keith said, praying Lance would look her in the eye. Thus far, Lance had only done it to be cruel. Now that her guard was down, she was hiding. “It was...beautiful.” She said, meaning every word as she could still hear it echoing in her ears. 

Lance noddled a bit, eyes still scared to meet Keith’s. Keith hated that she was scared. Lance rubbed her glossed lips together a bit. “I should go.” She said quickly, standing up. “I’ll see you around, Hothead.” Lance said as she passed her, leaving behind the trail of coconut and pineapples that Keith instivicly followed out of the little wooden door with the bell, out onto the cobblestone path lit only by the streetlights. 

“Leocadia!” Keith called after her, “please, wait!” She said, jogging to keep up with her. 

Lance stopped dead in her tracks, and briefly wondered if this is what an anxiety attack felt like. As she turned to face Keith, she realized that she was back in Lotor’s car the day Keith did the one thing neither of them would have ever expected. The day Keith hurt her. 

“Everything okay?” Lotor had asked when he had gotten the panicked, tear filled call from Lance asking to come pick her back up. 

“Peachy.” Lance had breathed, staring out the window until they had reached the old freeway. They were the only car on the road, Lance realized, as she began to unbutton her shirt, heart pounding at what she was about to do. “Lotor, pull the car over,” she had told him.

“What’s going on, Lance?” Lotor had asked as he pulled over the shoulder, the trees making the night seem darker then it was. The second he had put the car into park, Lance had reached over, her long, slender fingers unzipping the fly to his jeans. “What are you-... Are you sure about this?” He had asked, though he was not really in a position to argue… “We haven’t done this since last year's Christmas party... “ He trailed off as the Cuban girl pressed her lips to his own, her hand slipping down his pants, fulfilling those accusations Keith had just screamed at her. 

Lance broke free from the man's face for a brief second. “If Keith thinks I’m a whore,” she had said, pressing her hand further down into the mans pants, “then I’m going to give her one.” There was no more protest to be had as she plunged her tongue back down Lotor’s throat, selling her soul in the process. She was glad he hadn't noticed the tears that prickled at the edge of her eyes as the man kissed her back. 

“Just leave me alone, Keith.” She had said without turning around, her heels clicking against the stone’s as she walked, refusing to turn around though she had never wanted to do something more in her life. “And you now I hate it when white people try to say my name.” She said with a sarcastic click, rolling her eyes as she heard Keith still trailing behind her. 

“Please,” Keith called, “just give me a minute!” 

“Why, Keith?!” Lance had screamed suddenly in the street, making Keith jump back in surprise as she spun on her heels and finally letting the damn break on her beautiful blue eyes, letting all the tears she had been holding back the past month come rushing down her tan cheeks, because she was done pretending to be fine. “What do you want from me? Because there’s nothing left!” She screamed in the middle of the street, because if there was one thing Lance McLain knew how to do, it was how to make a scene. “Nothing.” she cried. 

“I'm sorry Lance…” Keith said, keeping her distance. “And I know that that’s weak but it’s all I know how to say… It’s just… I couldn’t understand why someone like you would ever go for someone like me. You’re prettier than me, and you're a flirt, and you could literally have anyone that you wanted-” Fuck, was Keith crying now, too? 

“I wanted you, Keith!” Lance screamed. 

“I know!” Keith yelled back. “Fuck, I know that now, but you’re right. I made a whole story up in my head and wouldn’t listen when you told me I was wrong!” 

Lance drew in a choppy breath, and Keith wanted to melt into the pavement for what she had caused this woman. Lance deserves so much more than to be screaming in the street with her at 3am. “I’ve been getting over you, you know. And I’ve been almost okay lately… Do you know how much this is screwing with me, Keith?” 

Keith took a breath. “Can we just… talk?” Keith pleaded, utterly exhausted from the night, “please? Not screaming in the street, not throwing jabs at each other in a bar, can we just… talk?” 

Lance nodded slowly, wiping her eyes a bit as she took a hesident step towards her, mumbling “yeah, I guess we could do that.” under her breath. She speechlessly followed Keith past a few streetlamps until they found a park bench next to a gas station. Keith had run into the store to get Lance something to drink because, as she quoted, “you’re shaking.” 

She tried to insist that she was fine, but Keith was having none of it. She was always worried about things like that.

The entire time Lance reminded herself how hard it was to get over Keith. Of how she had literally almost not survived the breakup. She remembered how she had cried in the mirror for a week at the small red mark Keith had left. She thought of how she fucked Lotor just to spite her. She replayed in her head of how she had quit the Cafe the next day because she could no longer face him. 

She remembered how screwing Lotor had made her feel so much worse, like it had proved all Keith’s words to be true. Instead of facing that fact, she hid from it behind the bodies of every man she had met at a bar. 

Until it was every guy in the bathroom stall…

Never a girl, though. For some reason Lance could screw one guy going to the bar, and one coming home from it, but couldn’t even imagine falling for a girl again. 

It seems like in the past month her entire life had fallen apart, and the source of all that was Keith. 

She had to remember what her Mama told her, that people don’t change. 

Lance jumped back a bit when a blue slushie was held in front of her face. Her favourite. “Here.” Keith said, “drink this.” 

Lance was too tired to protest, her mind too blank to make a sarcastic quip. She mumbled a quick, ‘thanks’ as she sipped the sugary liquid down. She was on an empty stomach and a few drinks, the sugar helped her shaking calm down a bit. Despite the warm whether she still shook, because Keith Kogane was sitting right next to her and she didn’t know how she was supposed to feel about that. 

“Better?” Keith asked, daring to break the silence they seemed to keep on falling into. Lance just gave a weak little nod. 

“Pidge told me you didn’t get out of bed for a while.” Lance said, wasting no time in bringing up what they were both really there for. 

“Uh… yeah,” Keith said, caught off guard. “I couldn’t really face myself, or, anything for that matter… for a while. I just… couldn’t believe what I did.”

“Yeah, neither could I.” Lance said quietly, pretending not to notice when Keith wiped her eyes. 

“Guess I’d never been… in love before.” Keith said, laughing when Lance choked on her drink, spitting little blue dots onto the sidewalk. 

“Love?” She coughed in disbelief, as she had spent the last month telling herself that that very fact was not true. “You loved me, Kogane?” 

She smiled a bit. “Love.” She said honestly. “No past tense. It really does make you go crazy. I couldn't get over the fact that you were friends with someone you… well, you know.” 

“I can’t get over you again, Keith.” Lance breathed, knowing exactly what she was getting at. But this couldn’t be it. This couldn't be the ‘getting back together’ talk. “I don’t think I’ll make it,” she choked. “And you should know, I’m not even at Coran’s anymore.” She said offhandedly. 

“You’re not?” Keith asked. Lance and Hunk had worked there for years. Lance had always made the drinks and ran the front of house (which was dangerous as the girl was an ice coffee addict and would come home with one everyday, despite the hour) and Hunk made all the pastries for Coran’s place. He would never in a million years fire his precious ‘Number 5’, and Lance loved her job. She’d never quit… “Why?” 

Lance starred at Keith in disbelief. “Wow...” She said, nodding a bit in hurt, but pretending it was anger, “you didn’t know? Damn, you really never asked Pidge about me once, did you?” 

Keith bit her lip, feeling the guilt hit her. “I just… assumed you were doing great without me. But I was too afraid of knowing the real answer, I guess. Wait… Is that why you didn’t tell Pidge about… our breakup?” She asked, selecting her words carefully. “You wanted her to give me updates on how great you were doing?” 

“No, it’s… It’s probably for the best.” Lance breathed as the memory of her stumbling out of the bathroom of a bar with Pidge. 

“Are you gonna tell Keith about all the people I’ve fucked?” She drunkenly asked her younger friend as she cockily wiped some smeared lipstick off of her chin with her thumb. 

“Actually no, I’m not.” Pidge shot back, annoyed at her stupid friend and her self destructive tendecies. She shot a death glare to the guy who came stumbling out of the bathroom after Lance, zipping up his fly. “That would somehow justify all this shit you’ve been doing to yourself," Pidge said. 

Lance rolled her eyes. “Don’t be jealous, Pidgey, you’ll lose that V-card eventually. Just dress like a chick for once, maybe that'll help.” She said with a little shrug of her shoulder. 

“Fuck off, McClain.” Pidge said, “at least when I fuck somebody it won’t be to spite my ex who wants nothing to do with me.” Pidge had stormed off that night, and hadn't spoken to her for a week, until the night Hunk had called her begging him to come over because Lance was on the literal edge and he didn’t know what to do. 

I wrapped my neck and prayed that you’d feel the noose… 

Lance chewed her cheek a bit. “But honestly, I don’t know, Keith.” She said, answering the question on if Pidge was just a spy for her or not. “Maybe that was part of the reason? I guess I just couldn’t stand burning all the bridges that connected us.” She rolled her eyes at herself. “Fuck that sounded cheesy… Also believe it or not I didn’t really want to tell people. The only people I told were Hunk and my sister. It was just… too hard to talk about. And why do you think I quit, Kogane? I screwed Lotor in his car on the side of a freeway, crying as I jacked him off because my girlfriend called me a whore. Could you face someone after that?” She asked, burying her face in her hands. 

Keith was at a loss for words. She scooted closer to Lance on the bench, but not knowing where to go from there. Her arm wavered in the air, but she was too afraid to put it around Lance. But as usual, Lance beat her to the punch. 

“I didn’t cheat on you, Keith.” Lance sighed through her hands. 

“I think I’ve always known that.” Keith said softly. 

“Pidge…” Hunk spoke and panicked into the phone. “Pidge, you need to come over to mine and Lance’s place, like, right now!” 

“Lance?” Pidge said into the phone. “No way, you can tell that bitch to get her life together and stop taking it out on everyone else. It was a breakup, get over-” 

“-Pidge, please!” Hunk screamed. “It’s bad and I don’t know what to do…” The man had sobbed. 

Pidge felt her soul sink as she nodded, before realizing Hunk couldn’t see her. “I’m on my way,” she had said. 

“But I did fuck Lotor when he came to pick me up from your apartment the night you... “ Lance trailed off, spinning her straw around in the plastic cup of sugar and staring at her boots. “The night we broke up.”

Keith was waiting for her to bring that back up… “So you were just waiting until I was out of the picture to do it?” Keith asked sadly. “Honorable, I’ll give you that,” she breathed. 

Lance sighed. “No, you nimrod. I was mad at you so I… I don’t know, I figured I’d prove you right.” Keith grimaced at her words. She really did believe that if she were to leave Lance, Lance would be fine. People were just usually fine without her. “I was so ashamed of myself the next day that I quit. I couldn’t face him after that.” 

“That’s why you quit?” Keith said, daring to scoot a little closer on the bench, until their knees were touching. Lance pretended not to notice. “Oh my god, Lance… I, I am so sorry-” 

Lance held up her hand. “Hey, don’t worry about it, it’s just what we whore’s do.” She said, a tear finding its way down her cheek. 

Lance sat on the outside of her building sobbing when Pidge had gotten there. Hunk looked like he was about to throw up, pacing the small section of hallway that the window was in. Lance sat on the tiny ledge outside of her building, a cement creasing a few inches thick that could just hold a child, or perhaps, a skinny woman. 

“Oh my god…” Pidge breathed, running to the window before Hunk grabbed her. 

“Careful…” He said quickly, “I don’t know what she’s going to do…” 

“Lance?” Pidge had asked, tears slipping from behind her giant glasses. 

The girl turned a bit, blue eyes red and bloodshot, long hair tangled, face too pale for the tan girl. “Pidge?” She asked. “W-what are you doing here? Hunk I told you not to call her!” she yelled.

“Hey…” Pidge said, approaching slow. “It’s okay, I want to be here, Lance. T-tell me what happened, w-what’s going on?” 

She regretted the question as soon as Lance started sobbing even harder, shaking as she did, she teetered even closer to the edge. Pidge dug her nails into her arm and Hunk stifled a gasp and closed his eyes tightly. “I-I’m a whore…” Lance had sobbed. “Everyone was right… you, Keith… Oh god she was r-right…” 

“Hey, you are not a whore,” Pidge said firmly, taking another step closer. “I am so sorry if I ever implied that... And Keith, well… She pushes all of her insecurities onto other people… and she doesn't determine your self worth, so she can go fu-” 

“No, you don’t understand!” Lance had screamed, “she was right!” 

“What are you talking about?” Hunk asked, “please, just talk to us, Lance!” 

Lance was crying so hard she could barely breathe, breathes coming in and out as laboured gasp, like an old dog that had swallowed too much lake water. “That… That guy from the bar… The guy from the bathroom,” Lance said, “I… fuck I’m not sure which one, but he called me this morning… he said that he just tested positive for HIV… that… that I should get myself tested…” Hunk cursed under his breath. “It… everything, it finally caught up with me…” Lance said, gasping every breath at that point. 

Hunk took a careful step forward, causing Lance to jolt back, almost slipping from the ledge where she sat. Both Lance and Pidge shrieked when that happened, Lance digging her nails into the wall, nails chipping against the concrete. Hunk slowly held Lance’s puffer out of the window. “Calm down buddy,” Hunk said calmly, “I’m not going to try anything… Just take this, please.” He said, Lance snatched it from his hand and began breathing it in. 

“I …” Lance breathed, “I feel so… dirty… What am I going to… tell my mom? Oh God, Veronica is going to k-kill me... “ Lance said, looking more fondly over the edge that she had before, making her friends jump a little. 

“Hey… Hey! Buddy, Lance…” Hunk said nervously, “you haven’t even gotten tested yet, okay?” His words caught her attention. “We don’t even know how bad of a mess we’re in yet, right? Me and Pidge will go with you tomorrow, okay? Does that sound okay? We’ll get some bloodwork done and worry about this all another day!” Hunk asked, visibly shaking as they waited for an answer. 

“You could be fine.” Pidge reiterated when Lance didn’t answer. “There’s a chance that you can walk away from this life lesson unscathed. Just… just give it a chance to be a chance.” 

Lance nodded a little. “Yeah… yeah that could work…” 

“Lance…” Said Pidge, “could you… could you come back in now, please?” The girl begged. 

Lance looked over the edge a little and hissed, drawing her head back. “Yeah… Yes please…” she cried a little, muttering, “fuck I hate heights…” 

Hunk rushd over, immediately sticking his hand out of the window, and waited for Lance to grab it. “S-sorry I was a bitch to you the other night, Pidge…” Lance said in a wobbly voice and she grasps onto Hunk’s hand for literally dear life. 

Pidge smiled a bit, despite the situation, because of course now would be the time Lance apologized. “Don’t worry about it, Sharp shoo-” she was cut off by a piercing scream as she slipped from the tiny ledge, long legs dangling over her apartment complex’s parking lot. Hunk jumped at the chance to grab his friend, going halfway out the window himself. Lance wrapped around him, but the man was so large and sturdy neither of them were ever in any real danger.

Lance screamed like nothing the pair had ever heard before. It was like desperation and utter terror mixed into one. Hunk had a strong hold on her, and the larger man pulled her into the hallway without even stumbling. 

The pair collapsed onto the floor, Pidge following suit as she dived down at the girl and wrapped Lance in the first consensual hug of their friendship. Hunk did the same, the trio sat like that on the floor for a while, Pidge and Hunk hugging the shivering cuban girl until she stopped crying. 

Keith held her breath, daring to touch the girl who may rip her arm off. Her thumb found its way to her face, and brushed away the salty drops. “I am so… unforgivably sorry that I ever, even for a second, told you that your self worth, or your morals, were somehow tied up in how many people you’ve been with. That was on me.” She said firmly. 

Fuck it, Lance thought, as she leaned her heard down, it safely finding Keith’s shoulder. “You wouldn’t be saying that if I told you how many people I’ve been with since you left.” She whispered, remembering how she had never felt like her blood was dirty before, like sludge was making its way through her veins, and the only way to clean it was to spill it. Lance was still waiting for the test results. What would Keith say if they came back positive? Would she stay? More importantly, would Lance want her to? 

“I couldn’t care less.” Keith said firmly, wrapping her pinky around Lance’s. “Promise.” Lance smiled a bit, remembering back when they had still hated each other, a year ago when they first met in university. "How do I know you'll get you half of the project done?" Keith had barked at the girl in the courtyard of The Garrison. She still couldn't believe that she had been paired with the most annoying kid in class! Lance had grabbed the girls hand and firmly wrapped her pinky around Keith's. "Because I promise." The girl had said, spinning on her heal and walking away. That was the day Keith had fallen for her. “Is that what you meant in your song?” Keith asked carefully, still almost-holding Lance's hand on the bench. “When you said, ‘I took the poison praying you’d feel it to?’” 

Lance nodded in her shoulder. “Yeah…” She whispered. “I figured if I screwed enough people it’d somehow get back to you. I was just trying to get back at you. I couldn’t see it at the time, but Pidge was just being a good friend by not telling you how- or who, I was doing.” 

Keith officially didn’t care if Lance would kill her for this, as she wrapped her spare arm around the girl's shoulders and pulled her close. “I am so fucking sorry, Lance.” She whispered into her hair. “And I will never stop being sorry.” She said, holding her tighter when the girl began to shake again. 

“P-promise?” Lance whispered. 

Keith tightened her grip. “I swear on my life… Besides, Shiro told me that if I ever lost my temper again that he’d kill me.” She said, laughing only when Lance did too. 

“Good.” She whispered, looking up and Keith and smiling. 

“Is there any chance in Hell that you’d ever take me back?” Keith asked, terrified of what the answer might be. 

Lance was quick for a second, not knowing if she could survive without Keith again, and not knowing if she was willing to risk it. “I don’t know yet, Mullet.” she answered. 

Keith smiled, placing a hand gently on her cheek and kissing her. “Take all the time you need.” 

Lance smiled, a real one, teeth and all, cheek to cheek. She placed her hand on the back of Keith’s head and pulled her face back down to hers, until the pair was making out on a park bench at four in the morning. Lance tasted like a blue raspberry slushy, her lips were soft and slippery from the lip gloss, and her perfume was all but in her nose. 

And it was awesome. 

‘This just might work…’ Keith prayed as Lance’s lips were on her’s for the first time in too long. Keith had finally started paving the way to winning her girl back. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about writing an aftermath, sequel story for this about Lance and Keith attempting to navigate their relationship after everything's that's happened! 
> 
> -M


End file.
